Forgiveness

Have you ever listened to a song and have it make you rethink a lot of your life? Give you more than just food for thought? Or make you say, hmmm...

I should start off with where I was first moved by a song. Last August, I attended the MOPS, Mothers of Preschoolers conference in Texas. I was there introduced to an artist named Matthew West. He performed one of the evenings we were there. Before this night, I'd never really heard of him so I was interested in hearing him. He sang a song from his upcoming album called Forgiveness. From the moment I heard this song, I felt something burning inside of me.

For many years, I have been harbouring some resentment, anger and sadness to certain people and situations in my life. For years, it felt like an ugly backpack on my back and carrying this awful load was exhausting. Everytime I felt as if I was free from these burdens, I'd remember what occurred and what was taken and like a rainfall over me, it quickly returned. I hated it.

For years, I held on to the pain that my father and his alcoholism caused me. I longed for the father I knew he could be and grieved for the childhood I lost out on. Many times I blamed myself for his behavior and took on a lot of the abuse to shelter my younger sister. I needed to be strong for her so she didn't have to feel the pain I experienced. Then there were the years we didn't speak. My father, unaware of my life, marriage and even birth of my daughter because of his habits. Even through all that, I wanted my father in my life.

Secondly there is someone else from my teenaged years that took something that I could never get back. He came and went like the blow of the breeze and made me different; changed the core of who I was. I will not go into much detail because its not needed and quite frankly, I don't want to highlight him because he doesn't deserve it.

These burdens, although weren't always on the fore front of my mind, still were on my heart. Then I heard in the song, "show me how to love the unloveable". They were definitely unloveable. "It's hardest thing to give away, the last thing on your mind today and it always goes to those who don't deserve it". Yes I will agree with that wholeheartedly. 100%. It was as if Matthew West was signing this song directly to me in a room of hundreds of women. Like no one else was there and he was saying, Katie, forgiveness is what you need to be set free.

This year, I did that. I made it my mission in some sorts. I forgave my Dad. It was the hardest and easiest thing to do. I cannot fix his addiction but I can forgive him for it. Forgiveness has made us closer and have an understanding for him. I also, in my heart, forgave the other person. Forgiveness doesn't mean I forget, but means I let it go.

I will love the unloveable; I will reach the unreachable; I will do the impossible, forgiveness.

I have never felt more free. I am no longer carrying that backpack. I am a better friend, wife, sister, daughter and mother because of it. Freeing yourself of negativity opens your eyes to all the beauty that this world has to offer. It's quite amazing..