Nikolas' Birth Story

Wow, it's been a long time since I last blogged. So much has changed. We are now officially in NY. We arrived mid June and have settled into our new life here. What a change from country to city, especially for the kids. They were infatuated with all the sounds of the city. We've taken a few trips into Manhattan and honestly, they could ride the Staten Island ferry and subways all day and be happy little clams. It's great to finally be here and have the Virginia chapter of our life closed. It seemed like forever that we were waiting to leave. I miss a lot of the people there especially my close friends. But as with all military PCS's, you just adapt and luckily have friends all over to visit. Social media is such a great way to still keep in touch with everyone!

With that being said, another big change is upon our household, my "baby boy" is turning 2! I cannot believe it. Seriously. Just feels like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant with him. I'm saddened that he will no longer be a baby. He's getting so big and talking and doing so much everyday. He still is my snuggle buddy and requires "mommy" to do everything for him. It's just a weird feeling that he's so grown now. Yes I know 2 isn't "too grown" but he's not baby status anymore. He's potty trained, has a hysterical personality and learning so much everyday. He loves his big sister, pirates and playing with cars, trucks and the occasional dress up costume.

The hubs and I were reflecting on his birth & how different both of our kids births were. The second time around I was more relaxed and even at times, enjoyed myself. I was in control and felt it too. I wanted to share this life changing moment with you. Every mother has their own story and I personally love hearing them all.

 

So, here I go:

July 19th 2011, I woke up and had a feeling that might be the day. Nikolas had significantly dropped, so much so, I texted my bestie and she agreed. We went to a fellow friends daughters party and everyone said, wow! He will be born soon. I had contractions from 34 weeks on and even spent a day in the hospital with the possibility of being medivac'd to a hospital across the bay. However, that day, I didn't have more than the normal Braxton hicks. 

We went home and put C to bed. Took a shower and got myself a bowl of ice cream. Not 10 mins later, I started having contractions; nothing too bad but enough to make me wonder. Within 20 mins, I was having severe contractions. Keith called the doctor, and he informed us to come to the hospital. After calling the doctor, he called our friends, who are basically family, and they came right over and A spent the night with C. The 25 min ride to the hospital never felt so long...

I swore that he was going to make his debut in the car. C was born in less than 8 hours, so I thought he would come faster. The admitted me into the hospital and was officially going to have a baby. We were making our guesses on his arrival but then, he wanted to slow things down. Like WAAAAAYYYY down. The night progressed and I slowly did too. Morning came and I was about 5 cm. I breathed throughout the process and felt all his little body moving into position. It was such an experience. However, I was exhausted.

Around noon, I felt my body progress faster and harder. I sort of felt like I went into another place. Like I floated above my body and knew that I was nearing the end. It was becoming more painful and exhausting. Hubs was great and never left my side. About 230pm, my doctor came back in and asked me again if I wante any relief. Throughout all those hours, I said no, but at this moment, I said please. Not 10mins after recieving medication, I said, I need to push. Before I even started labor, months prior to his birth, I knew I wanted to watch an assist in his birth. It was something I felt compelled to do. After a quick check, my doctor said to start pushing. I was seriously so calm. Didn't know where this came from but I was in the zone. Pain medication didn't work and even though I felt everything, I also felt bliss. I watched as I pushed my sons head out and assisted in grabbing his head and body as well. At 3:15pm on July 20th 2011, Nikolas Eric Nelson was born after 21 hours of labor. 

He was immediately put on my chest crying and as soon as I started to talk to him, he stopped crying an we stared at each other. Then I put him to nurse and like a champ, latched on beautifully. I was in heaven. I loved him and our new family so much. I couldn't stop looking at this wonderful creation we made.

Watching C meet him for the first time was incredible. She shared her trains, which was a feat to say the least, and loved him so much. 

Thinking about this makes me feel like time has zipped by. But also feels like he has always been here. God has blessed me with 2 beautiful children. 

Nikolas right at birth!

My big boy

Today. Sure loves his momma. I sure love my little boy.

Saying see you later and not goodbye

Just over a week and we will be leaving to our new home in New York. Even with this short time frame, this still all feels very surreal to me. I sit in my house, that definitely doesn't look like we are moving, and still can't believe we are leaving. I'm thankful for the packers and movers doing all the grunt work of our latest move but I think it makes it harder to visualize its going to happen. 

Moving away is sort of bittersweet. Of course I am excited to start a new adventure in a huge city. See all that the NYC area has to offer. However, it's so hard to say goodbye to friends that I have grown so close to. These last 4 years I have met some incredible people. Made friendships and connections with them and that's not easy to walk away from. It even harder to say goodbye to my children's friends. I've watched some of her friends grow up along side of her. C can make me feel terribly guilty saying how much she will miss her friends. Such is life as a military child. I hope these experiences will make them rounded as they grow.

So I have vowed to not say goodbye. Instead it's a see you soon...see you later, alligator. In awhile, crocodile. 

Stop all the hate

I have been having a serious writing block. I haven't been able to think about what to write in forever! If I get an idea, I slowly stop and forget what it was I had to say about...I DO have a lot on my mind lately. We have about 2 weeks left here in our home of 4 years in VA. I cannot believe how quickly that time flew by. I am excited about the new adventure for our family and all that our new home has to offer in NYC. So, I guess I can cut myself a bit of slack with my writing endeavours.

With that being said, I did come across something today that inspired me to write. I stumbled across this article on Yahoo about a Papa John's pizza delivery driver leaving an extremely racist message on this unexpecting man's voicemail. He was the one who ordered the pizza and the driver was the one who delivered it. This article sparked curiosity in me and made want to hear what was said. I immediately regretted it. How despicable. I cannot believe that there are people in this world who think like that ignorant man.

We are raising our children to love everyone regardless of what they look like, believe in, wear, etc. Why can't we all just get along? Love and respect each other no matter what we look like!! Don't we all bleed red? Don't we all have hearts and love and feel things, regardless?

One of my best friends that I have been friends with since I was 8 is black. Never once have I looked at her as my "black" friend. Shes my friend; beautiful, smart and kind hearted. Her family treated me like I was one of their own and visa versa.  I consider her my sister.

Can't we all be colorblind? Love people for who they are and not what the color of their skin is? Or their religion is? This country is a melting pot for so many different cultures, faiths, etc. We can learn so much from each other if we just put down our biases and learn to accept each other. 

I can only hope for a brighter future and be strong knowing that my husband and I will raise our family to embrace each other regardless of our differences. Love one another like He did.

My bestie and I in the 1990s....

Forgiveness

Have you ever listened to a song and have it make you rethink a lot of your life? Give you more than just food for thought? Or make you say, hmmm...

I should start off with where I was first moved by a song. Last August, I attended the MOPS, Mothers of Preschoolers conference in Texas. I was there introduced to an artist named Matthew West. He performed one of the evenings we were there. Before this night, I'd never really heard of him so I was interested in hearing him. He sang a song from his upcoming album called Forgiveness. From the moment I heard this song, I felt something burning inside of me.

For many years, I have been harbouring some resentment, anger and sadness to certain people and situations in my life. For years, it felt like an ugly backpack on my back and carrying this awful load was exhausting. Everytime I felt as if I was free from these burdens, I'd remember what occurred and what was taken and like a rainfall over me, it quickly returned. I hated it.

For years, I held on to the pain that my father and his alcoholism caused me. I longed for the father I knew he could be and grieved for the childhood I lost out on. Many times I blamed myself for his behavior and took on a lot of the abuse to shelter my younger sister. I needed to be strong for her so she didn't have to feel the pain I experienced. Then there were the years we didn't speak. My father, unaware of my life, marriage and even birth of my daughter because of his habits. Even through all that, I wanted my father in my life.

Secondly there is someone else from my teenaged years that took something that I could never get back. He came and went like the blow of the breeze and made me different; changed the core of who I was. I will not go into much detail because its not needed and quite frankly, I don't want to highlight him because he doesn't deserve it.

These burdens, although weren't always on the fore front of my mind, still were on my heart. Then I heard in the song, "show me how to love the unloveable". They were definitely unloveable. "It's hardest thing to give away, the last thing on your mind today and it always goes to those who don't deserve it". Yes I will agree with that wholeheartedly. 100%. It was as if Matthew West was signing this song directly to me in a room of hundreds of women. Like no one else was there and he was saying, Katie, forgiveness is what you need to be set free.

This year, I did that. I made it my mission in some sorts. I forgave my Dad. It was the hardest and easiest thing to do. I cannot fix his addiction but I can forgive him for it. Forgiveness has made us closer and have an understanding for him. I also, in my heart, forgave the other person. Forgiveness doesn't mean I forget, but means I let it go.

I will love the unloveable; I will reach the unreachable; I will do the impossible, forgiveness.

I have never felt more free. I am no longer carrying that backpack. I am a better friend, wife, sister, daughter and mother because of it. Freeing yourself of negativity opens your eyes to all the beauty that this world has to offer. It's quite amazing..

Do you tell your real age?

A few days ago, I read this article on babble.com that got me thinking. It was called, Do You Tell Your Real Age? It got me thinking and my "hamster wheel" in my head going as well. This woman had 2 young children, 4 and 1, a business and a husband. She was also 23. She didn't like to tell her real age because people would assume things, based off that number. Her business was thriving and her beautiful home was too but still that was her one insecurity....her "young" age.

Got me thinking that like her, I am insecure about my age as well. I am 27. Got married at 21. Had my first child at 23, second by 25. By numbers standards, I am young, however, I do not feel my age. I have lived in 2 different countries, 2 (almost 3) different states and traveled a lot. Finished college and have a wonderful home, in which I take care of. Still, for whatever reason, my biggest thing that I am insecure about is my age. <There I said it...>

I often think about how people portray me when I am out with my children. (I will make a side note that I usually do not care about what people think of me, but like I said, this is my "thing") When they're having a break down or misbehaving, I feel like people see my age, as weird as that sounds. Oh that poor young girl, doesn't have the skills because she is so young. I know this is all in my head, but I cannot help it. I have also gotten the, ooh "you're so young to be a mom" thing too and that drives me bonkers. As if, because I am young, I am incapable of making the right decisions based upon my own intelligence. People often like to put their two sense in and I often cannot find the polite words to say, thanks but not thanks. 

I am not sure why that's my insecurity. Something that I struggle with personally and hopefully one day will overcome. I'm usually a pretty confident person, so this strikes myself, even as odd. With that being said, I also needed to announce this because I thought maybe others are like myself out there who struggle with this. We chose to be young parents. We wanted to be young with our kids and enjoy ourselves afterwards. There is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes its a struggle that I find hard to overcome. I am getting more comfortable with it as I get older, but like all things, time will help overcome this.

Lost Inspiration...

My last posting was over a month ago. I have been feeling less than inspired to write lately and this is killing me! I enjoy writing; its like a release of tension for myself. I write whatever is going on inside my head, and lately, its been to overwhelmed to put anything down on here...

I am sure that I am not alone when I say this that motherhood is overwhelming in itself. I sometimes feel like I am just above the water, not enough to float comfortably, but enough to keep my head above water. I am at home with the kids all day and am their sole provider more than half of the time. A few weeks ago, I cracked. I will be honest and I cracked. I felt so overwhelmed with everything that I blew my top. I had been taking care of, yet again, two sick kids. My son, who already is very clingy and mommy attached, was at his peak of stalking me. I had been carrying him around in the Ergo carrier all day and I was tired. I couldn't pee alone, let alone sit and enjoy a cup of tea to myself without someone touching me. I didn't feel great myself, with allergies taking over my body, and desperately wanted/needed some assistance. My son, didn't let anyone near him with a 10foot plus pole, with the exception of me and I was going insane. I had a lot of my mind as well with our upcoming move to NY and all the details that surround that and some family issues and I was a my peak.

 I cried...like really, really cried. I was overwhelmed with everything that was going on and just wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep. Crying for me is somewhat of a release; like washing away the mess and starting fresh. I am someone who doesn't just openly express my emotions and usually waits to blow until they all come out like Niagara Falls. I felt better; like much better. I know that I shouldn't fester everything in, but its something that I have done since a child and still, to this day, haven't figured out how to control that.

I have now finally got some inspiration to write again after a little MIA on my behalf. I am excited to write again and also using this as an open, HEY! I am crazy too :) Like my kids, as much as I love them, make me blow too :) I know I am not alone, but for whatever reason, us moms don't like to talk about the hard stuff like this. As if it makes us weak or something. SO, here you go moms...I am not weak, I am strong but have my moments too!

Our Military Lifestyle

One of the most common questions I am asked is, "don't you get tired of moving?" I usually reply with a, "nope! I actually enjoy it" or "I knew what is was getting into when I married my husband."

I should probably backtrack a bit and explain why I get asked this...my husband is a proud member of the US Coast Guard. He's been active duty for over 10 years and has made it his career and he's great at it. His job provides us the stability of a steady income and healthcare among other things. The CG has also allowed us to see parts of the country that we wouldn't have seen otherwise. With this job comes sacrifices as well; we don't stay in one place for too long. Moving every 3-4 years and the heartache and strife that comes along with that. Being away from friends and family. The chance of being on a boat for extended periods of time away from us. Also long and strange hours at work. With that being said, I will continue on...

Earlier this year, we got our new assignment: Staten Island, NY. We were surprised and excited for this new adventure. In the last 5 years, we moved from Seattle, WA to rural VA and now, just outside manhattan! SI was on our list of places to go, but didn't give it much thought as we anticipated Washington DC. However, we couldn't be more excited to try this chapter of life out. There's so much to do and explore and culture to expose to the kids. I am stoked!

After marrying into the military, you find yourself thinking opposite of what the people who ask those questions in the first paragraph...how could people stay in one place for so long? Where I grew up, I know people who still live there and ask me 10 years ago, I would have thought I could live in the same place for years. Now, we look forward to starting a new chapter, meeting new people and exploring the US on the CG's dime. It's like a weird addiction of putting in where you'd like to go, and playing the waiting game to find out where. You get the call, hold your breath, heart racing and are told where you will spend the next few years of your life...to us it's an adrenaline rush. Weird I know.